6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
