I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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