haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
