im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish there were birth control emojis
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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