"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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