I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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