Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You are the jesus of drinking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
