He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
