My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
