Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
