now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
