Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
