your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
where am i from again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
