I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
