so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
