On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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