don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
