All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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