I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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