So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
