Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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