she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
