I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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