Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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