On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
