You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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