Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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