the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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