Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
