Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
