NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
