I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Panties = found
Randomize
