apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
