$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
