Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
