I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You left your underwear on the fireplace
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
