it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
