We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
