You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
