careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
