There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
