swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
