He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
