I think my vagina is haunted
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
