my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
