so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
