It's Friday. Sex?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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