in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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