dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
