Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
