I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
