On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
