I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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