yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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