where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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