I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im part way to drunk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
