if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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